![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/robogeisha-poster-large1.jpg\" "\\"RoboGeisha")
<\/a>There are many ways to study geisha.\u00c2\u00a0 Middle-aged American women have Memoirs of a Geisha <\/em>and <\/em>Oprah.\u00c2\u00a0 Tourists can dress like geisha in Kyoto for an in-their-shoes experience.\u00c2\u00a0 The rich and connected can attend legitimate geisha performances.\u00c2\u00a0 Academics turn to scholarship and classical literature on the topic.\u00c2\u00a0 Me? I learned everything I need to know about geisha from a film released in 2009 by director Iguchi Noboru (who also makes porn).\u00c2\u00a0 His film taught me the four tenets of geisha:<\/p>\n- \n
- Geisha is Japanese girl.<\/li>\n
- Geisha is beautiful.<\/li>\n
- Geisha is wild.<\/li>\n
- Geisha is robot.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
The film is a B-movie called RoboGeisha<\/em> and it is indeed an educational one.\u00c2\u00a0 In addition to their devotion to traditional arts, such as the playing shamisen<\/em> and pouring beverages for rich businessmen, I learned that geisha are master robo-martial artists as well. Their techniques include, but are not limited to: geisha missile, geisha hari-kari, geisha chainsaw, geisha transform, bust machine gun, acid breast milk and fried shrimp attack.\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153GO TO HELL!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is their battle cry of choice.\u00c2\u00a0 Furthermore, Robot Castle is their mortal enemy.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, these are all things I learned would be in RoboGeisha<\/em> without actually seeing the film.\u00c2\u00a0 In three minutes and change, the trailer (readily available on YouTube) gives a pretty thorough synopsis of everything viewers will experience watching the movie.\u00c2\u00a0 RoboGeisha<\/em>, by nature of its awesome title alone, warranted a viewing and possibly even a reviewing.\u00c2\u00a0 However, I was worried that the film would not live up to its trailer, as it evoked a bit of d\u00c3\u00a9j\u00c3\u00a0 vu from my college days.<\/p>\n
Young Me once discovered a compilation of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153classic\u00e2\u20ac\u009d moments from a film entitled Shark Attack 3: Megalodon <\/em>that was making its way around the internet.\u00c2\u00a0 The video showcased the hilariously lame dialogue (which put \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I have had it with these motherf—ing snakes on this motherf—ing plane!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to shame) and budget special effects (that seemed to have been limited to superimposing actors onto Shark Week footage).\u00c2\u00a0 The concurrent rise of Netflix gave me the opportunity to see the actual movie at essentially no cost, as my friends all believed Shark Attack 3: Megalodon<\/em> would surpass those legendary three minutes of hilarity when viewed in full.\u00c2\u00a0 This could not have been further from the truth.\u00c2\u00a0 Essentially, we spent ninety minutes of our lives waiting for the scenes featured in the video (see Snakes on a Plane <\/em>for further viewing of this same phenomenon).\u00c2\u00a0 The RoboGeisha <\/em>trailer evoked similar feelings: a burning desire for more insanity and concern that there was nothing more to see.<\/p>\n
First things first: RoboGeisha <\/em>is a bad movie.\u00c2\u00a0 That is not a secret.\u00c2\u00a0 Surely the people who worked on the film are in on the joke; you need look no further than the trailer to figure out that even those involved think RoboGeisha <\/em>is ridiculous.\u00c2\u00a0 Fortunately, B-movies are often entertaining for that very reason, however.\u00c2\u00a0 Lousy special effects, cheesy dialogue and absurd plots create box office flops that turn into cult classics.\u00c2\u00a0 Therefore, the purpose of this review is not to sing praises nor drag the film through the mud.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead, I intend to pass verdict on whether RoboGeisha <\/em>is bad enough to be good.<\/p>\n
RoboGeisha <\/em>is both bad and good at being bad.\u00c2\u00a0 For example, the first half of the film is not bad enough to be enjoyable.\u00c2\u00a0 Despite the strong efforts of bust machine gun, geisha chainsaw and acid breast milk, the film (at first) suffers from a lack of campy dialogue and violence extreme enough to be humorous.\u00c2\u00a0 The gunplay is so lousy it becomes boring; when one hundred shots are fired from a geisha breast only six bullets actually connect (and the carnage is not very extravagant).\u00c2\u00a0 Furthermore, the geisha chainsaw does not even chop off a single<\/em> head!\u00c2\u00a0 These scenes are nothing new for those that have seen the trailer.\u00c2\u00a0 In addition, the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153evil\u00e2\u20ac\u009d plan that is supposedly driving the plot is exposed, yet the characters take themselves so seriously that viewers cannot laugh with them or at them.\u00c2\u00a0 For a while, RoboGeisha <\/em>acts like a B-movie with A-list aspirations (and starts to fall flat as a result).<\/p>\n
RoboGeisha <\/em>starts slow, but luckily the second act redeems the first.\u00c2\u00a0 In my opinion, the turning point in the film is a scene in which three characters simultaneously fake heart attacks in order to get the jump on one of the villains and it works!<\/strong> Around the same time, we learn that the evil steel company that makes the robotic geisha is not only housed in a giant steel castle, but a giant steel castle robot!<\/strong> The castle sprouts limbs and goes on a building punching spree, hitting them so hard that the people inside are not merely crushed; instead they are instantly liquefied into miniature tidal waves of blood!<\/strong> RoboGeisha <\/em>turned out to have some surprises in store not featured in the trailer.\u00c2\u00a0 They were glorious and made the film worth viewing.<\/p>\n
There are many things about RoboGeisha <\/em>that could have been done worse in an effort to make the film better.\u00c2\u00a0 However, I will never forget the heart attack sneak attack or the sky scraper blood explosions.\u00c2\u00a0 Thank you, RoboGeisha. <\/em><\/p>\n
Note: Although <\/em>RoboGeisha has been picked up for distribution in the US, the version found in your local video store will most likely not be subtitled<\/em>.<\/p>\n
Thanks for watching!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There are many ways to study geisha. Middle-aged American women have Memoirs of a Geisha and Oprah. Tourists can dress like geisha in Kyoto for an in-their-shoes experience. The rich and connected can attend legitimate geisha performances. Academics turn to scholarship and classical literature on the topic. Me? I learned everything I need to know about geisha from a film released in 2009 by director Iguchi Noboru (who also makes porn). His film taught me the four tenets of geisha:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":255,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false},"categories":[9,95,57],"tags":[78,77],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/robogeisha-poster-large1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/254"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=254"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/254\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/255"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hyogoajet.net\/hyogotimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}