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Not-Your-Average Valentine’s Day Movies

I’m not big on Valentine’s Day. Even if I’m in a relationship, it’s not my thing. I’m not big on people walking really slow while holding hands and not letting anyone pass on the sidewalk, and I’m not big on people complaining to everyone and their mother about a) their significant others not getting them [insert irrational demand here] or b) not having a significant other to get them [insert irrational demand here]. Conversely, I LOVE chocolate, so I try to keep my mouth shut. Without Valentine’s Day, the distance between Christmas and Easter candy-selling peaks is that much more painful.

As much as I would love to spend tons of money on an expensive club entrance fee and painful shoes and make a fool of myself on the dance floor, I prefer to curl up under a blanket with some popcorn, some chai, and a good movie. We know all the classic choices that would be good for this time of year – Amelie, Love Actually, Brokeback Mountain, yeah yeah yeah – but if your skin crawls when you hear the words ラブストーリ like mine does, fear not. There are lots of good movies to watch for Valentine’s Day, with or without a significant other. Here’s a list of recommendations to make you appreciate the love you do have in your life – be it from family, friends, your bromantic partner. You can also scroll all the way down for something that will make you grateful to be single (we all know in Movie Land, life can always get worse*).

If you prefer a good laugh over the mushy stuff:

Cashback (2006) – Sean Biggerstaff (Harry Potter’s Oliver Wood) breaks up with his first real girlfriend. To get over his insomnia, he gets a job at a 24-hour supermarket with a mishmash of crazy personalities. If only work were always this entertaining.

Coming to America (1988) – On his 21st birthday, an African prince named Akeen (Eddie Murphy) decides he doesn’t want to go through with his arranged marriage. He’d rather travel to America to find his real queen. Appropriately, he starts his search in New Yorks – in Queens. Get it? Get it? (Don’t worry, Eddie was still funny back in 1988.)

Muriel’s Wedding (1994) – there are only three things 22-year-old Muriel (Toni Collette) wants to do: listen to ABBA, get out of her podunk town, Porpoise Spit, and get married. Well, maybe four – do something about those so-called friends she’s been taking crap from since high school. What are the odds she’ll do all four by the end of the movie? You might be surprised! O.O

“Family” movies for Valentine’s Day (warning: tear-jerkers):

Joy Luck Club (1993), Imitation of Life (1934 or 1959), and The Color Purple (1985) are all good choices. Nothing like the undying bonds between mothers, daughters and sisters to tug at the heart strings. All of these movies have longer, complicated plot lines than the others on this list because they run through at least a couple of decades, but I can assure you they are all amazing. Just be sure to have lots of tissue and a phone to call home after because… I can’t describe them…they’re just so…I’m sorry.

If you firmly believe in “Homies over Hos” (or you’re in the mood for some serious eye candy ;D)

Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001) – Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal as hedonistic teen slackers on summer vacation take a beautiful older woman on the road trip of their lives. Fantastic story telling against the gorgeous backdrop of Mexico. (Warning: some parts of the movie are sexually graphic. Make sure your TV is turned down when the movie starts.)

And finally, the “good” stuff:

Fatal Attraction (1987) – You saw this one coming, didn’t you? Michael Douglas learns the hard way that one-night stands aren’t so easy to get away with when Glenn Close won’t (can’t?) take no for an answer. A messed-up movie that really makes you think…and jump out of your skin every now and then.

Valentine (2001) – Four Friends start to receive morbid valentine day cards from someone they all rejected when they were younger. The stalker is counting down to Valentine’s Day – the day of revenge. David Boreanaz to the rescue! Cheesy teen horror flick, but still…come on! David Boreanaz! :D

The Crush (1993) – Before Alicia Silverstone was a cute fashionista playing match-maker with all her friends, she was fourteen and madly in love with Cary Elwes – you know, before he was trapped in a bathroom with a chain around his ankle. But he’s such a good guy, he knows better than to reciprocate or take a “schoolgirl crush” seriously. Big mistake, man. BIG mistake.

Laura (1944) – Everyone was crazy about Laura (Gene Tierney) – she was young, intelligent, beautiful, and found murdered in her own apartment. Detective McPherson (Dana Andrews) is hired to investigate the case of the woman with whom every man fell in love. Being a diligent kind of cop, McPherson is committed to questioning every suspect, searching every nook of Laura’s apartment, staring at her portrait every day… yep. ^__^

This is one of my favourite movies to watch on Valentine’s Day. Yes, it’s in black-and-white, and yes it’s mad-old, but it’s still quite a thrill ride. Just when you think everything is all wrapped up in a pretty little bow, sh*t gets real.

*(No matter what your relationship status is, enjoy the moment. If you find yourself grumbling this month, keep it in mind that life can always get better. But count your blessings now because WOW, can it get worse. I mean, just look at some of those last movies. People are crazy.)

Happy Valentine’s Day, and to all a good night!

Sifton ♥(◕ ◡ ◕)♥

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