The Ottawan Hamster is older than most,

He lives in the city but was born on the coast;

His stalk is as tall as an elephant’s eye

The elephant in question being the size of a fly;

He’s green as a daisy and round like a brick,

If you look at his teeth, you’ll fall dead right quick;

Rub the leaf on his head and he’ll give you good luck

But then he’ll ask for it back, leave you stranded and stuck;

If you pet on his fur, you’re likely to bruise,

He’s famed for his trenchant political views;

His children adore him, they worship his feet

And line up to applaud him when he drives by their street;

He’s had many names, though few of them clever,

He’s right good at bridge- he’s practiced forever;

His skin tastes like porridge, and mackerel jam,

He used to teach English to the king of Siam;

He was offered a nobel but kindly declined,

He wants to be known for his body not the state of his mind;

His tears grant wishes, his spit patches wounds,

He’s the one who taught Shakespeare how to spell ‘zounds’;

He’s been so many things to so many folks

That the Ottawan hamster could be nought but a hoax.