Love and Relationships: HIStory

Yet another break-up and you are doing the post-mortem with your girlfriends over wine, cheesecake and cocktails. You ensured that the ‘mixologist’ is someone heavy on the vodka and light on the conscience. And every time you swear this is the last time… but deep down you know that it won’t be. We all do!! Then, tomorrow comes and you are still feeling like a plastic bag just drifting on the wind and you are screaming for a fresh start. And it’s like Cher heard your prayers and out of nowhere your door bell rings; your phone rings; you get an email or text message; you looked over your shoulder while shopping; you get a complimentary glass of wine; the elevator door opens and wha-laa in walks ‘HIS-tory’ again to ‘be there for you’.

During high school, I wasn’t too fond of History, but the older I get, the more I find myself approaching ‘HIS-tory’ with a new perspective. ‘HIS-tory’ is that guy who is ‘right for now’, but you just can’t get a relationship with him to work– strangely. He comes in every-so-often when you are at your lowest point, helps you ‘get over an ex’, wines and dines you and puts another notch in your self-esteem. Rest assured, ‘HIS-tory’ knows exactly what he is doing!

So, here am I departing work on a dead beat Friday, heading to the city hall to curse someone as usual (they are terrified of me at my city hall), and my phone rings. I look at the number and think ‘’Damn!’’. So, having drunk all the cocktails possible, ate all the cheesecake and been through post-mortem upon mortem, I think my doctor would prescribe a little ‘’HIS-tory’’. So, I answered the call and in walked HIS-tory. HIS-tory came into my life as fast as a Japanese orgasm (1 minute tops); and I thought to myself, ‘’things are gonna heat up pretty soon’’. Needless to say, within the hour I was sipping on some wine and before mid-night….well, just say I FELT BETTER…..

So, what’s the deal with ‘HIS-tory’? Does he have a radar that lets him know when you are lonely and vulnerable? Is he like a predator that just lies in the dark and waits for us to be ‘available’ and easily devour-able? Or he is just an angel who is sent to help us through a rough patch in our lives and leaves when we are ‘ready’ to move on and re-integrate with society. Or is he a combination of all of the above (if that’s at all possible)? Break-ups are awful experiences in our lives and it messes with our self esteem, our self perception, and faith in people. On some level, I am glad ‘HIS-tory’ has that ‘6th sense’ and visits us from time to time, like the tooth fairy; and like the tooth fairy, leaves something under our pillow to help us sleep throughout the night while we recoup. There is only so much your friends can do; there is only so much retail-therapy can do; there is only so much a cocktail and clubbing can do to heal the pain of a nasty break-up. Helllllll………who doesn’t like to feel needed? Who doesn’t like the attention? – I do, so I know you do, too.

So, hurry up with that post-mortem of your ex, drink that cocktail, eat an entire cheesecake, go shopping, go clubbing; and wait patiently for ‘HIS-tory’ to ride in on his big white horse to save you once again because you know you like it. But remember, ‘HIS-tory’ has to go back to his wife in the suburbs so never fall for him. LOLOLOLOL…

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