Love and Relationships: MEN-O-PAUSE

Finding the perfect mate is like finding the perfect outfit for a soiree – it takes dedication, lots of effort, friends to help you and in most cases it’s hidden in a fabulous vintage store in a unique ‘district’. Finding the perfect mate is also like looking for a car – you have to search through the thousands of ‘classifieds’, have good friends to help you look, and need to test drive it one or two times and see exactly how it operates on the ‘road’. Finding a perfect mate is also like finding the perfect winter sweater to pair with your pants – you have to feel snuggled and warm in it, it should be fitted enough, but not too suffocating, and it has to allow you to show your sense of individuality while highlighting how fabulous they look together. Well, sometimes finding the perfect mate can be very exhausting. All these ‘samplings’, ‘trials’, ‘test-drives’, ‘out-fit experiments’ and ‘sweater-runs’ can be taxing on one’s body and you just need to go through ‘MEN-O-PAUSE’.


According to the Homo-Dick-tionary of Imported Words, ‘MEN-O-PAUSE is a state of single-ness where one takes a break from the scene, steps back from the mayhem of dating life and through introspection comes to see exactly what one wants and the best way to get it.’ Oh, and by the way, in a revised version of the term, it states that this also includes no hook-ups, no blow-jobs, no having ‘drinks’ with an ex-bf, no internet dating and no kissing. Internet pornography, however, is fully acceptable for its ‘medicinal’ purposes. The Lesbo-Vagi-nary of Imported Words, provides the complementary ‘(wo)MEN-O-PAUSE is a state where a femme (or stud, in rare cases) takes a break from her girl-hunting days.’ No slumber parties allowed.


The concept of the ‘perfect mate’ in itself is the stressor (wait, ‘stressor’… I am watching too much Criminal Minds… that sexy Shamar Moore has me so weak!). ‘Perfect’ denotes no flaw, no adjustment needed, ideal for ONLY me. My friends will adore him, my family will worship him, he won’t leave me — never; we’ll last forever and he’ll rescue me from single-ness. But is there such a thing as a ‘perfect’ mate? Are we fooling ourselves or are we just misinformed about this new species of man? In search of love, are we asking for too much and being unfair, or is this a reasonable request? The fact that so many of us have slapped on the F.B.I badge in search of the ‘perfect mate’ makes me wonder if we really know what we want. Do we need to just shut the hell up, leave the dating scene and allow MEN-O-PAUSE to reset our search engine? In life and love, why do we believe that everything has to be perfect? Perfect is boring (Daney-ann Thomas, 2011….a.k.a  ‘my Hag’).


The notion of the ‘perfect mate’ mirrors that of Santa Claus – good for kids, stories, novels, movies and the economy, but definitely bad for reality, adults and our hearts. And so, like kids and Santa, Christmas morning comes and gifts are being opened. Some kids are happy with what they receive and some are not. The kids who aren’t happy are those who claim to have not gotten exactly what they had hoped/prayed/wished-upon-a-star for. But, is it that what they actually received is a bad gift? Is it that the gift is such a misfit that you need to return it to the store? Or, should you be more eager to try-out the gift, test what it can do, compare it to what others have received. Step back and take a scenic view of everything!


The long and short of it all is that whether you are in a committed relationship or dating, there comes a time when you need to go through ‘MEN-O-PAUSE’.  Sometimes, the best view one can get is from that bit farther off. Being up close, you are often blinded by your blurry fixation; or just so dependent that even if the truth is staring you in the face, you fail to believe it.


Dwayne Cobourne

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