Love and Relationships: Long Distance Love?

For most reading, I’d assume you understand the term ‘long distance’, but saying this to my Japanese colleague caused a bit of confusion. You see in Japanese this term would be translated as ‘long distance love’ (遠距離恋愛). My argument is that two people do not necessarily have to be in love (cynical I know) to be in a relationship. This caused some confusion, but for the sake of ease we settled on assuming said couple was in love.

Some couples would not agree with that the two words, “long” and “distance”, should sit side by side, and would rather go for an all or nothing approach. However, even after all the scare stories thrown my way, I decided to go for it.

The intense experience of this new country, new friends, new job, and a new language may initially have seemed overwhelming, but it was completely what I needed, and I learnt that when you’re busy you’re invincible. Please don’t misunderstand me and think I wanted to completely break away from my home country and all the important people (including my long term boyfriend) it holds. No no, it just means I’m happy, comfortable and settling, if not settled, here and I can actually do it all without them. I’ve been separated from all home comforts physically and emotionally and yet I have the ability to buy contact lenses, use an ATM and get a bus all on my own in this foreign land. Although this independence is empowering, it’s not always so easy on relationships of any kind.

And so we return to long distance love… It’s been over a year for me now, which means we, mainly I, survived the recontracting saga and, more importantly, our first year apart. If someone’s willing to stay with you knowing you’re 6000 miles away for another 365 days then something’s going right. And now, with the surplus of communication technology, keeping in touch has been a doddle. Even the time difference hasn’t been too stressful; being 8 (or 9) hours ahead of time is quite tricky though. If you think of your day, you sleep for 8 hours, work for 8 hours and the 8 hours between is a mixture of socializing, relaxing and chore-doing. However, even against all the GMT odds we are still as strong as ever.

Long distance is more about adjusting to your new relationship pace. It can’t be the same as the relationship you had back home and you cannot try and force it to be so – it’d cost a lot in airfare for starters. So you have to step back and take things slow again.

Communication is key; this may seem so obvious, but sticking to it is the hard part. Keep them in the loop on everyday happenings; take time to explain the little things like ‘nenkyu’ and how ‘JTE’ is not a typo of ‘JET’. Say everything, anything, whenever you want, even if they won’t read it until the morning. Mix it up; send letters, flowers, post cards, e-cards, Facebook pokes, Tweets, Snapchats – the works! Remember you are in a relationship and just because there’s a whole body of water separating you doesn’t mean you can slack on making an effort. One letter flying across the world makes a huge difference.

Effort × Miles Travelled = Impact

Don’t look at long distance as a make or break situation, that’s too much pressure on both sides. Make the most of your time here and enjoy the change of pace.

2^nd Year Hyogo JET.

In a relationship since May 2011; 13 months long distance.