Love and Relationships: Die Alone

As I was lazily flipping through my Facebook photos, I came upon some shots that I couldn’t recognize. The guy in the shot was absolutely fabulous, corky, was wearing a chic pink-checkered-printed shirt with a denim pant and recently faded out Mohawk haircut. He was bright-eyed and bushy tailed, some would say. He had a striking resemblance to me, but for some reason, it appeared to be a stranger. Hell, it was me for sure. Yester-year: precious times that have flown by so swiftly. It was as if my yester-years were laughing at me, jeering me and reminding me that I am quickly approaching my 30s. The big THREE-O. The point of no return. In the lovely world of the gays, 30s are the same as the 60s in the ‘straight’ world. I then thought to myself, ‘’Where has time gone? Is it that I waited too long to settle down? Is that I found the ‘right’ guy and I let him go?’’ [Then that brought on a whole different tangent of which one of those losers….I meant….exs was the ‘right one’ and if that were the case, what I could do to get back the ‘right one’. But then my Fag-hag called with yet another dilemma and interrupted my thought. Fag-hags always trump day-dreaming!] Anyhooo, these serious questions continued to flood my mind as I thought of all the dates, the blind dates, the ‘’online dating’’, the guys I met at parties and clubs, the young guys, the older guys, all kinds, colors and creeds (except a Jew) …. [wait again, I hope I am not painting a bad picture of my repertoire.. ]

But don’t be fooled, these are the questions that a lot of persons have unanswered. Having my second cosmo’ cocktail (which I so love), this led me to question Ingrid Michaelson (in her song, ‘’Die Alone’’) and wondered if she was wrong; am I going to eventually die alone? In her song, she promised that if you told the guy that you loved him and stop loving yourself, you wouldn’t die alone. Is she wrong? My friends think I am overreacting and being a drama queen. But that’s what friends should do: support you in your lowest moments. And I think many guys are there!!

Everyone has dreams. And late at nights some of us would stay up and dream of the fabulous boyfriend who would become our husband (or life partner); the amazing wedding or civil union; the adopted Asian baby; a brown-stone house in the city and a summer home at the beach; the anniversaries; the birthdays; the Christmases and New Years together and the list goes on and on. But when you are getting older and you can’t seem to land the fabulous boyfriend yet in order to decide on kitchen wall paper, and what color your baby’s room should be, you start to fall in despair. And nobody likes to feel desperate and alone. Everybody wants their happy ending.

In ’Sex and the City’, Charlotte said it well, ‘’WHERE IS HE?’’ [~ as she earnestly searched for her ‘Mr. Right’ and continued to find Mr. Not-right] This question has been on the lips of many guys; and yet it’s unanswered. Have you been dating since you were 16 years old? And as eager beings, with each person you date, you would hope that they are ‘the one’. Then two months later, there comes the break-up and you are back to the drawing board trying to find Mr. Right (now). At what point do you call it quits? At what point do you throw in the Gucci scarf? At what point do you start taking in the cats and dogs from the neighborhood shelter? At what point do you tell your friends to shut the hell up? At what point do you just call a spade a spade? That’s what I need to know!! If only I had all the answers.

Finding yourself in this ‘die alone’ dilemma isn’t a warm feeling. It tends to feel cold, hopeless and painful. But there are two options available to guys who are in this position: (1) fight like a Drag-queen on Rupaul’s Drag Race, or (2) buy a blank Christian Dior avant garde gown and wait patiently for your funeral. What is it going to be?